Personal Growth - Internal and External Fear

Personal Growth - Internal and External Fear

by Devansh Mittal

When we understand various types of fear, we will be able to deal with it

Lets try to understand what Internal Fear is? Here I am not going to talk much about external fears like fear of losing money, fear of being killed, fear of loosing job, fear of not having food to eat, fear of natural calamity, fear of wild animals etc. Do you have any more fears than these external fears? If we look within then we will realize how many fears we have inside us, how much troubled our internal state is, to what extent we are doing slavery of others, how much partantra we are. Till the time we do not do this exploration we feel that we are already swatantra or we do not have any such kind of fear within us. In this process of exploration we also begin to realize that the external fears which we have, which we face are the consequences of these internal fears only, which are residing inside a human being, to which he is not aware of, to which he has never paid attention, from which he has always been running away in one form or the other.

What are those internal fears? Fear of losing acceptance of people around, fear of losing respect, fear of being wrongly interpreted, fear of losing trust of people around, fear of being considered “less”, fear of losing importance, fear of losing psychological security, fear of losing dear ones and many more. Do you feel that you have these fears? You might say no, but in reality you might find many. Till the time we do not do this exploration we feel that we are free from these fears and others have them and we keep judging them and criticizing them. With more and more exploration we begin to realize that we are no different from a rapist, terrorist, murderer, criminal, a office goer, a corporate leader, a labor or any other man. It just requires a bit more of exploration within. Lets talk about some internal fears in different sections.

Fear in Relationships:-

Generally what we call Relationships in general language are based on our Attachments/Attractions. We make a image of other person is our mind. If that image suits/matches to our imagination of a good person then we start liking that person. With more and more time with that person dependence of our Happiness on that person keeps increasing. This what is Attachment. It always comes with fears. Fear of losing acceptance of other person, fear of change in thinking, feelings and behavior of other person towards us. As soon as it changes we get hurt and then blame other person that he/she breached my trust. We want his acceptance back on any cost. We want him to be same with us on any cost. We get angry if that doesn’t happen.

This kind of fear is coming out of dependence. In such kind of dependence we are always uncertain about other person’s feeling, thinking and behavior towards us. We want consistency in other person’s feelings, thinking and behavior towards us in this case. If this doesn’t happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.

We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which is manifesting itself as loneliness. When we get that person we get attached. Parellely we get fears of loosing. When other person with whom we are attached changes with us, we get hurt. A feeling of opposition, hatred, jealousy start coming in us. We keep troubling ourselves.

Fears of losing value:-

Generally we recognize our value with association of something with us. If I have something which makes me valuable then I feel that “I am” if I do not have any such thing then I feel “I am not”. I like to feel that “I am” but it comes with several, several fears along with it. Like I say that I am beautiful, I am intellectual, I am intelligent, I am at a very high position, I am powerful, I am knowledgeable, I have contacts with many great people, I have good English, I am of a particular religion, I am associated with a particular thought etc. We recognize our value in association with something. We feel comfortable and good with those who give value to us for the thing for which we consider ourselves valuable and we feel uncomfortable with those who look down at us for the thing with which we recognize our value. Like if I feel that I am a knowledgeable person then those who also consider me a knowledgeable person, I feel comfortable and good with them. Those who do not I feel uncomfortable with them. I start getting a feeling of opposition for them. If they look down at me and show me that I do not know anything then I start feeling jealous, a feeling of hatred start coming into my mind for them, I even become violent. Similar may be the case if I recognize my value on the basis of say, power, beauty, money, intellect, contacts etc.

If I meet a person who is “more” than me in the thing for which I recognize my value, then I start feeling “less” and I want to become “more”. This gives rise to a rat race, competition, jealousy, hatred and violence. Unfortunately we all are into it. All the religious wars, other wars, competitions, rivalries have their root cause in this.

What we also generally try to do is to use our “Will Power” to control this fear, but it doesn’t control it rather it creates an environment of suffocation within. Like I say, “I will not have fear of loosing value or I will not get attached now” but this doesn’t happen. “Will Power”, Suppression don’t control fears rather creates suffocation within.

Consequences of Internal Fears:-

All these rivalries, quarrels, wars, religious riots, altercations, oppositions, hatred, jealousy, competitions, violence are the outcome of this internal fear only. Due to this internal fear only we make an environment which causes external fears like wars between countries, insecurities in countries, wars and insecurities within the countries, lack of production, more and more of consumption, lack of assurance in continuity of production, lack of assurance in distribution, insecure environment, insecurity in job, insecurity in living, insecurity in relationships, lack of assurance in relationships, altercations in family, unhappiness within, fear within, insecurity within.

This all starts with this internal fear. What we are currently trying to do is to change the external environment to get rid of this fear, but in reality it is the internal environment which need to be changed to get rid of internal as well as external fears. Like what we do is we accumulate more and more weapons so that we are secure from other country, we accumulate more and more power and resources so that we have the assurance of security and resources needed in future. We make rules and regulations, law and order to control the society and individual to maintain harmony, we do division of property and several judicial activities in family to maintain the harmony and several more thing in which instead of making the place harmonious we are making it more and more fearful. At the level of individual we try to get associated with something so that we are valued by others and we become psychologically secure. Change has to come inside the human being and not in the system which human has made. Without the change inside the human being the change which is made outside is not going to be sustainable. It is not going to make a human being fearless.

Escapism:-

If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from fear rather than to understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie, to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will have fun. We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can make us feel good to get rid of this loneliness which is residing within us and is killing us continuously. We leave the friends who are now unable to make us feel good and make new friends. We get associated with a new group, get associated with a new thought, new set of people, make a new guru, start reading new books and other things. Most of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear. We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by that and it rather gives rise to many other problems which we have already seen. We see that there is something missing in our lives which we do not know what that is and we search that thing in those things which can give us that. This is what is escapism.

Cause of Fear and a word towards solution:-

In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being is lack of understanding of him himself in him and ultimately this internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears, insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.

Due to lack of understanding in a human being of him himself, he recognizes himself in association with something like power, position, beauty, intellect, contacts with others, others perception towards him etc. This is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation of oneself, ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the evaluation consistent, right and good. When others do that a human being feels good other wise bad and start getting a feeling of opposition for other person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal environment which needs to be changed in a human being.

Ultimately the content of study for a human being is him himself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for this feeling of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to violence.

In our entire education system we give only technical education, trained to compete, trained to become violent, trained for race, trained to become more and more successful and accumulate more and more. The more one accumulates the more is given respect, recognition. The more is one valued. Current education system is generating violent literates rather than responsible educated people. In this education the thing which is taught is, “How to earn a living?” but there is no education on “How to live?”. Effectively we training people how to make a knife without teaching them what it is used for and what is its purpose, so it is being used for murders.

At this point it is clear that there is a need for increase in human understanding of himself. What is the content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a human being has in his life. What he wants and How can he achieve it?

What does he want? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.

How can he achieve it? With increase in understanding in every individual about Self, Relationships, Trust, Respect, Prosperity, Family, Fearlessness, Society and Nature. This entire thing need to be included in the course of study in education system.

source:lifepositive