Courage Does Not Always Roar

by Bobi Seredich

A lengthy stay in ICU brought a frequent comment by health care professionals. "You are lucky to be alive. Aren't you glad you have been given a second chance?" Days were spent thinking about this question, wondering how I should respond.

Somewhere in the space between life and death, I didn't feel trapped. I wasn't really scared. It was as if life on earth was suspended while the ravages of cancer and its ugly side effects battled against God's will for my life. At the time, I waited, not really aware of how close I came to leaving this Earth. Now I am acutely aware of the renewed opportunity for life that I've been granted.

Every day I am given a second chance. It has less to do with another near-death experience as with the choices and decisions I make and my interactions with others. Some of these are conscious choices, while others seem to flow with the pace of the day.

Where do I go from here? I have months of healing ahead. There are still many unknowns and a continued focus on my physical being. My life will be surrounded by health care professionals, all with their own opinions for how to best heal my body. While my physical body has much to do with being able to fulfill my dreams and passions, I can now build a life based upon:

REST. My dear friend, Mary Anne, calls rest the ultimate elixir and says it takes a profound shift to embrace napping as an accomplishment! Rest and napping? I used to think these were a waste of time and others would view me as being lazy. My body says rest, I rest. To do otherwise will compromise my return to good health!
REPAIR. Time spent repairing the body parts ravaged by infection and cancer is a continued priority. Time spent in the present must take priority over dreams of the future. My future is RIGHT NOW, this moment, on this day.
RESPECT. I haven't always respected my own uniqueness and my role in this world. I put too much emphasis on what others think. I judged myself by my physical appearance and always fell short. At the edge of life, it didn't matter that tumors had changed my wrist and hip into vehicles of pain. It was frustrating not to have a voice, but I never lost my words. It didn't matter that all the drugs and fluids flowing caused a 20 pound weight gain. It didn't matter that my hair lost its luster; that my eyes were bright with pain and infection instead of life. What matters is my breath, my heart song, and my belief in things greater and grander than me!
RENEWAL. I have a unique chance to begin each day anew. What I do with the day is primarily up to me. Doctors' appointments and tests will prioritize my time, but nothing prevents my heart and soul from continuing toward a renewed spirit of service to self and others.
REJOICING. It is hard to find the humor in illness...to think of those silly moments that make me bend over in hysterical laughter. Yet, each day has moments that are silly and outrageous, ones filled with the cuteness of life. I realize time and again these are wonderfully defining moments of my day if I pay attention.
No matter if I have been given one day or many years, I have a second chance, each and every day. I have the capability, the perseverance, and the diligence to see another day...far grander and greater than the previous one. Each day is overflowing with the capacity to fill me with love, gratitude, and compassion for myself and others. Life; how great thou art! I'm HERE!